ApocaTips

Chin Up! (Void Where Prohibited By Law)

John — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 19:43:24 +0000

Chin Up! (Void Where Prohibited By Law) from John Moltz on Vimeo.

Sorry for the sound troubles on this one. Still working this out.

Fun!

John — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 15:34:20 +0000

This new iPhone application that keeps you up-to-date on layoffs (because, really, who’s hiring?) is depress-a-riffic!

If we could still rate apps that we haven’t purchased, I’d give it five stars.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

John — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:43:04 +0000

Recession Hits Ethernet Switch Market

But Ethernet’s my second-favorite protocol! And Switch is my second-favorite Jimmy Smits movie!

IT HAS BEGUN

John — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 20:25:10 +0000

Octopus floods Santa Monica Pier Aquarium

The cephalopod menace believes it can strike us while we’re weak. The response to this should be swift and merciless.

We should invade Atlantis at our earliest convenience.

Lobby your governmental representatives and KEEP WATCHING THE OCEANS!

Another bad sign

John — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:00:51 +0000

I normally don’t like linking to Mr. Mann because of his repeated mockery of the tried-and-true Internet monetization methodologies of SEO, Always Be Linking™ and goatees. But in this case I’ll make an exception and link to this recent Tumblr post of his to discuss its disturbing implications.

It’s well-known that the increased popularity of hillbilly music is a leading indicator of a coming economic mega-collapse (see: Great Depression). If this trend continues, we’ll all be up to our asses in Woody Guthrie MP3s before April. I suggest you all watch for signs of hillbilly music creeping into popular culture and resist it at all costs.

If this economy is going to turn around, we need to start listening to growth music. I suggest putting on some metal and playing it really, really loud.

Update: via Jeff Carlson on the Twitter, here’s a handy chart of metal band names. Jeff cares about this country and is part of the solution. Are you part of the solution?

ApocaTips Webinar #1

John — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 05:59:10 +0000

In this webinar, we’ll look at the doom that confronts us all, as well as the many uses for flint.

ApocaTips, Webinar #1 from John Moltz on Vimeo.

All is not lost

John — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 18:34:29 +0000

I’m holding most of my plan to save the economy until I develop the infrastructure necessary to reap the benefits of the new revenue streams, but I will let you in on 4 words:

Vanity social security numbers.

Success during the doom-a-pa-looza.

John — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 21:19:05 +0000

Here’s something to think about over the weekend. A little homework… for your brain.

Recently I was lucky enough to have lunch with Guy Kawasaki and, as we ate our TGI Friday’s Cheddar Bacon Sliders, he told me the top five things you need for success in the coming economy (which will suck, by the way).

Perseverance.
Gumption.
Stick-to-it-ivness.
Creativetuity.
A Leatherman.
The ability to think outside the box enough to go ahead and put a sixth thing on that list of five things.

Since this is the kind of sage analysis you cannot pay for, I paid for lunch. He picked up the tip.

I mean literally. I put the tip down on the table and he picked it up as we were walking out.

I think, um, I think he didn’t think I saw him or something.

Coming in 2009!

John — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 15:55:11 +0000

We’ll show you tips and tricks for:

Why you might need to consider eating parts of your own body, and how to do it.
Making friends with those who can help you most in the new economy (hobos, mutants and mole men).
Babies: is it OK to eat them yet?
Decorating tips for your bunker.
Turning foreclosure into funclosure!
Aaand then turning it back into foreclosure again as required by law.

And, much, much more! Stay tuned! We’re gonna have some fun!

…

Well, not really fun, per se…

Happy New Year!

John — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 22:28:04 +0000

Drink an awful lot tonight, people. 2009 is going to be truly horrible, so this will probably be your last chance to enjoy yourselves. Possibly, like, forever. Seriously. We’re talking impending disaster on a Biblical level.

So, go out and have some fun!